Book I - Page 5

Seems master has another new toy but I have been feeling under the weather and Laz has been keeping his distance always some excuse.
Master was sweet and tried to cheer me up and it helped a little but I went to the gatehouse to be left alone. It is a good place to just sit and write.

Laz comes and find s me.. He is getting rather good at that...
Seems he had become one out of three arena champions and now everyone in the city knows of him and wants his time... And he is unsure of how to accomplish the next trial, which is on the elemental plain of earth maybe.

Who does his master feel the need to tamper with his memories?
What is he so afraid of regarding me?
My goals are not to his knowledge...

When I asked if I should just stay away he at least told me that that was not what he wished for.
He told me he wanted me... That when we were alone nothing else mattered...
But it is clear he is unsure of what role master plays in all of this.

How can I make him understand?

But to think that he was afraid that I would see him as needy or be frightened of him. He clearly doesn't know who he is dealing with...
I am afraid he got to close to sense my emotions, the ones I try to hide so deeply, so afraid that he will see, because I am afraid that if they surface to much all will be destroyed...

What wexes me most is I never know where I have him.. or us...
He told me I have a sway over him but I certainly do not feel in any way secure in my position when it comes to him...

It is strange that apparently humans do not want the truth from each other but rather live in ignorant bliss... I have never understood the human nature  much and this only eludes me more...
I was created a creature of purity one that can never tell a lie, now I have learned to bend the truth but some part of what I was created to be still lingers inside me... behind the darkness...

I don't understand why he frets the future and something that might come to pass, so much... Why not just enjoy the here and now.. enjoy me?

I liked to be dominant towards him but before he left when he pulled me close ad kissed me deep and wantingly... I was glad he was called away by his master or else I would have been his in so many ways...

/A